10 reasons why Edison was wrong

By SimonFoster | footprints | July 18, 2013

May 2013

I’ve been having a think about what I’d want to write in blog numero deux. I do most of my thinking in the shower, so naturally the effort that I’ve put into this has racked up some decent leccy bills, and has left GRamsey hopping around outside the bathroom for some hours cumulatively.

I reckon it’s worth it though, as some of the ideas I get are worthy of someone sticking a light bulb above my head, to ping on at the precise ‘eureka’ moment.

We’re currently heading into the SME challenge, a task where we come up with a business proposal, propose it, (hopefully) get funding and implement the business to (hopefully) make a profit. We hope. With a maximum of £2000 to pitch for, emails and phone calls have been flying nationwide between the members of each team as the idea generation stage heats up. I haven’t seen the public’s imaginations captured like this since someone suggested we do a Derby vs. Sellafield football match at the next training zone. I’ve decided therefore, after this entirely convoluted introduction, to present to you some of the ideas that haven’t quite made the grade. All of the following ideas were the product of my or Adam Fitzmaurice’s genius. You may want to try and guess who came up with what idea. Many of them were potentially profitable, but failed to meet the nucleargraduates’ Brand Values, or comprehensively match the criteria of the Triple Bottom Line. You can however, decide for yourself if there are any cash cows hidden amongst the dross:

1. Geological Disposal Funcility – A flash/app game where High Level Waste arrives at the top of the screen and you need to dig down into the Cumbrian ground to find space to put it. As the hole goes deeper, you need to tap more times to break through the ground as it becomes rockier. Could possibly add an extra element that shows how safely we handle the HLW.
2. SMEasy – A smartphone/tablet based app designed to take you step-by-step through the process of setting up a small or medium-sized enterprise. (I particularly like this one, as the formal training we receive in setting up an SME need only be one step ahead of our product development. Adam Fitzmaurice postulated that if we ensured the app was one step ahead of our product development, it too could help us set up our SME. The logistics behind this caused a minor headache however).
3. Communitea – We make and sell tea bags containing appropriate wild plants from the local area. Nettles would be the fall back option, but anything non-poisonous might be of use.
4. You’reka – We provide a service whereby we follow people around, hold and turn light bulbs on above their heads when they have a good idea.
5. You-reeka – We provide a service whereby we follow people around and spritz them with Lynx Africa when we deem it necessary (didn’t meet the ‘Planet’ P).
6. Bake Sale – We make cakes shaped like Submarines and the Sellafield AGR Test Reactor. This is a greater skill than it seems, not in the baking, but in assuring that the cakes are not accidentally put into compromising arrangements.
7. Greetings cards – Following the success of the ‘Happy Birthday from David and Samantha Cameron’ card on the high street, we propose an expansion on this genre. The possibilities are endless: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Adam and Claire Fitzmaurice, Taylor Swift and (insert May 2013 boyfriend), Ed Miliband and his cat.
8. ‘nucleargraduates’ sleeping aids – these special posture-manipulating 5-in-1 concrete pillows come with instructions for how to place a number (5) of different ways underneath your body, before you drift painfully off to sleep. This works on the theory that being out of your comfort zone is good for you. With the nucleargraduate sleeping aid, we’ll have you in a different post code to your comfort zone.
9. 104 Degrees Kelvin – Unfortunately not my idea, rather a joint effort from the members of 104 Uttoxeter New Road, Derby. This is a boyband that I would very much like to manage the realisation of, and bring to international fame. How are they going to get there? Through clever marketing, such as use of the band’s tag line: “104 Degrees Kelvin: Sounds really hot, actually very cool.”
10. Thunderbirds

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